the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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