When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize