Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
