i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize