Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
