it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
