Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
