if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
