I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize