i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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