she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
