So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
