I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
