i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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