so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
