Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
