I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize