What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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