He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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