Little spoons don't ask big questions
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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