Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
