Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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