I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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