I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
