she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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