To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
