Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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