Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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