I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
