I heard we made out
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
