We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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