I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize