You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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