had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
