Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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