My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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