i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
