She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize