and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
