just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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