shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
