I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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