dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
