It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
