After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
