Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
