I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
