im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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