Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
being pregnant is like rehab
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize