We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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