summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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