He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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