I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
