Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
