It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
