I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
