Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
