my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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