There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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