I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize