franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
