don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
