so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
