Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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