Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
