Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
