i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i drank out of a bidet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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