im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
