I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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