"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize