he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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