i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
