In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
