Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
