He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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