Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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