i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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