She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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