I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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