I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
