I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
