There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
