explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
