the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
