I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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