I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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