just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
