I think I am morally bankrupt
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So vagazzling was a success
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
