Your face is a jimmy john
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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