I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize