Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
