3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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