So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
