I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
