the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
