Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
