I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
