don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
