I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
