we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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