So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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