im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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