Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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