There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
