Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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