Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
