So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
