I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
